tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-224699702024-03-13T19:16:08.824-04:00Narcissism EmployedThe journeys of my head and heart.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger234125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-19960505041572946592012-11-08T13:01:00.001-05:002012-11-08T13:01:24.845-05:00Home again, home again, Jiggety-JogDivorce, separation, even when wanted, is funny that way, I suppose. Unhoused, home-less, de-homed? To have yet be without.
It's the little things. Well, first it is the big things. All of routine, the town you return to at the end of the day, animals to care for and the suddenly not. Whether or not you own a stand-mixer, how to find the bathroom light switch in the dark. But you buyUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-15166299059854816612012-04-28T11:08:00.000-04:002012-04-28T11:29:21.446-04:00Into the away
I often feel shameful and wish-washy for spending so much of my time sitting on the proverbial fence eagerly searching for the intense predilection telling me into which side I should step; but then I have always felt like a walking dichotomy so it really isn't any wonder that most of the time I am straddling indecision with one leg evenly in both sides of possible outcome.
My wanderlust is Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-6646379723155108232011-11-20T16:02:00.002-05:002011-11-20T16:08:05.697-05:00Opening DoorsIt repeatedly astounds me how thoroughly one's life can change in a relatively short amount of time. I have dog-eared, wrinkly-covered, user-softened copies of most of Robert Fulghum's publications lying around. His writing has always touched my sentimental, introspective, people-watching core. In one of his book's he speaks of the heart-stopping changes that can occur in a moment, preempted byUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-1876371754273325892008-04-27T22:21:00.003-04:002008-04-27T22:38:03.536-04:00my little fuzzy oneThis evening I hauled the 1/3 full forty pound bag of blended bird seeds out back all the way practically to the golf course to fill the furthest feeder for the birdies that congregate in the patch between the woods and the shed under which the groundhog lives; the same groundhog I oohed and awwed over Saturday afternoon when I looked out my bedroom window and saw him back there standing up in Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-64738932056234744792008-04-15T22:01:00.002-04:002008-04-15T22:09:06.511-04:00to the last finallyIn the second summer I lived in a house by the sea in Long Branch, in the first and last summer Jason lived with me, in the season Maine first captivated me, I often listened to Sting's "I Was Brought to my Senses" while gardening covered blissfully to the top of scalp in dirt wet, caked, and dry. I daydreamed through my plants to the garden it would become. I pet them and coddled them as theyUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-80845398215390973372008-03-27T22:12:00.002-04:002008-03-27T22:25:41.482-04:00Twice as muchMy boyfriend and I have been spending the night together since our second date. First of all we love to snuggle and cuddle, and secondly we lived an hour away from each other for the first year. It was also easier. I like going to bed by his good night kiss and waking up to the sound of his breathing. Curling up with him first thing is the best way ever to start a day. On the weekends, we'll Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-56472941219750380172008-03-12T23:54:00.002-04:002008-03-13T00:08:13.792-04:00Life just keeps gettin'Life just keeps gettin' weirder. Er, cooler? Ah, more surprising?In our Wednesday night class we have lots of extra time 'cause in our first session our super instructor kinda' sorta' packed two quarters worth of Ethics into one. So now on Wednesdays we talk about Business with the big B just like we are scheduled to, and cover any relevant stuff on Professionalism and Ethics-and then we shut Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-39966747051008903972008-03-04T10:28:00.002-05:002008-03-04T10:34:57.174-05:00Can you forget?I went to my old place yesterday, to the place I needed most to be- needed from a place deeper and less conscious than my head, needed in a way that my heart led my body there. I climbed out in the wind with a head full of thoughts growing ever clearer to the Manasquan fishing pier, a place that makes it easy to imagine myself freely aloft on the sea. I climbed out to the end and stood face to Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-4976858220717046412008-03-02T20:27:00.003-05:002008-03-02T20:40:24.084-05:00I should have knownI should have known it would happen.I should not have doubted for a moment that I would come around to wanting to live with you. We had come so far avoiding these urges. I thought maybe this time I could best it. But here it is. We are passing through the intersection now and the week between the weekends, the days I have to myself in my own place, are becoming less and less a bout of Karen Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-68847877968147887882008-02-27T13:04:00.002-05:002008-02-27T13:08:21.772-05:00patience is not my virtueI've been told so many times through my life by loved ones: Be patient. You need time to heal.And I never listen. I am patient to the furthest extents of Karen patience and then I leap once I feel healed.To me, healed meant feeling capable of going on with daily life no longer feeling daily pain.But it is more than that and after decades and multiple run of the mill surprise life changes I am Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-90289159190059751032008-02-26T00:07:00.003-05:002008-02-26T00:13:30.313-05:00the space betweenCaught in the middle again, who I was coming back and who I will be around the corner not decided yet. I lost my job last Tuesday, or not so much lost it as had it removed. "Here, let me take that from you."Indian givers.(European American givers, really. "Here, you can keep your land. HA! Fooled ya'!)Maybe I was given a gift just in time for my study load to double.Maybe I'll be denied Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-59065339813010780072008-02-23T06:15:00.001-05:002008-02-23T06:15:56.981-05:00always a good time for ChristmasYour Christmas is Most Like: A Very Brady ChristmasFor you, it's all about sharing times with family.Even if you all get a bit cheesy at times.What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-40167760353406798232008-02-23T05:18:00.005-05:002008-02-23T05:46:48.931-05:00bird prints in the snowYesterday morning I sat halfway up in bed just after 7:30, peeked through my bedroom window's white and sky blue sheers, sat up higher in astonishment, and pulled the curtains apart to be sure. Snow! - on the ground and still falling. We actually finally yippee skippy got snow!! Was I the only one whistling while sweeping eight beautiful inches of it off the car at 8:30 AM? Was I the only one Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-87123130186928955382008-02-23T04:55:00.003-05:002008-02-23T06:04:22.523-05:00cast iron dreamsThe effect on me of my boyfriend asking my preference in engagement rings last week manifested itself in my desire to make him breakfast last Saturday morning. Suddenly I wished for bread worthy of French Toast (no Freedom Toast shall be made in this home!) and eggs... and a stove. (I do have a two burner counter top unit, and most of my pans rescued from storage, including the Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-38147562370124996102008-02-16T18:32:00.006-05:002008-02-16T21:36:12.027-05:00maybe my futureWhen I was 15 or 16, my mother told me that my great-grandmother never felt older than 16 in her heart; that she believed each of us has stays one age inside for all of our lives. I can't say I have stayed one age, but several remain. Lying on my back in the cool over-grown grass early on June mornings I might be 6 and I might be 10. Falling in love anew, I am 13. Dreaming of my future with aUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-51656624428770202212008-02-06T09:52:00.001-05:002008-02-06T14:12:55.295-05:00Last nightI dreamed I stepped outside briefly into the comfortingly cool, sparsely lit, welcoming night leaving the front door open, but wandered off across the gray lawn distracted and came home again to find the door still open but my cats still tucked safely inside.I dreamed of coming home from work to find a fully fringed towering green shrub had grown across my path in my absence. It was menacing; a Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-46402924229528631862008-02-04T23:26:00.000-05:002008-02-04T23:30:28.226-05:00one of the cool kidsWhile re-filling the tin in my purse with my secret stash this morning, I had an epiphany of sorts:I have a private tin full of pills in my bag, like the 'underground' party kids did in high school, my very first box of fun -humiliatingly age-baring that my idea of a box of fun pills is a tin full of antacids and Motrin :-)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-32873034453568444002008-02-03T14:06:00.000-05:002008-02-03T14:09:35.821-05:00fresh bunnyMaybe this makes me a sicko, but I love this commercial to pieces- so much so that I watch it over and over and over and searched for the longest version I could find and bookmarked it. So much so that I want everybody to see it.It isn't stuffed animals having sex that endeared it to me. At least I hope not ;-)They are freaking adorable! How can you not love the bunnies ears flopping up and Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-882788489075102592008-02-02T12:34:00.000-05:002008-02-03T14:11:27.206-05:00nothingHe asks what I have been doing all morning, likely wondering why I ask him to leave me alone and delay his arrival as long as possible. He asks me what I have been doing so far this day,and I say,"Nothing," in a sigh,which I know makes him nuts.I am not willing to bare myself in words, to risk being seen as a flake, to tell him I am enjoying just being me, the air coming in the windows, the dry Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-15716519397615733102008-01-20T18:40:00.000-05:002008-01-20T19:59:40.507-05:00another muttThrough my boyfriend's Rhapsody account I am listening to Art Garfunkel's 'Songs From a Parent to a Child'. I love it! He said I could log in with his password and listen to things as long as I saved nothing. He does not want his groove thang to 311 being broken by a burst of Bette Midler. Can't blame the guy. I don't know at all what it feels like to love a child as a parent, but I imagine itUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-66984531873981404662007-12-08T07:01:00.000-05:002007-12-08T07:17:37.853-05:00It's a parade!Having my own large collection of canvas and recycled-content shopping bags amassed over the years I like to bag my own things to pack to the top and avoid any wee plastic baggies for keeping the meat to itself. I pack them full and heavy and one of these days I will break myself carrying them (see: stubborn girl stumbling down the parking lot weaving under four max-packed carry-alls and a 10-lbUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-68958435866221662172007-12-03T00:49:00.000-05:002007-12-03T00:59:35.778-05:00and thensoft as dust falling it breaks my heart a whisper in song only a word and it all goes blackjust whisper the name and i go backAnd i know without peeking there's snow on the mountain tips and the air 1000 feet above the sea smells like the back of a freezer. I walked one night in the so so cold the snow flakes intact one atop another edges frost fuzzy ice pictures on my jacket in the lamp light.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-74813515205717287932007-11-30T19:38:00.001-05:002007-11-30T19:42:34.053-05:00laughing at funeralsHere I sit in my computer chair, laughing. It is amazing how paralyzing it is when you slide one socked foot along the carpet to turn and stand...and a sewing needle sinks itself 3/4 of an inch into the meaty part of your heel.Now the throbbing.And a little more laughter.God dang that smarts.Yes I pulled it out. Put down my bowl and sat in that slow motion way of "What the living hell is stuck Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-61938676506994359002007-11-30T19:03:00.000-05:002007-11-30T19:22:21.701-05:00once upon a stove topI changed purses rapidly before leaving for class Wednesday night. Up on my toes I stretched my arms to lift down my busted at the seams firebox, willing the papers and newly replaced passport squeezed between the detached lid and nestled boxes of jewelry and old cat tags and Sylvia's very first collar not to slip free; balanced it teetering on the top of the floor bound TV and pre-accident Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22469970.post-61896390194249084642007-11-10T10:18:00.000-05:002007-11-10T10:30:51.649-05:00Okay, so here is an idea- rather than government keep cigarette smokers in its palm like a money making pet why doesn't it make a move that would not simply line the its own pocket? It's certainly well known how detrimental cigarette smoking is to the cardiovascular system but cigarettes are supposedly more addictive than heroin. Government knows this. Government also makes a lot of money off Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2