Just this side of sleepy

I can feel a cinnamon dusted cereal crumb in my slipper. My neck feels like silly putty, my throat filling up with impending yawns, the rims of my eyelids extra warm. I am growing hungry because my breakfast time is drawing close.
My cat wouldn't let me change the bed sheets tonight. Okay- it was partly my doing! She climbed up and laid down smack center on the bed as I was about to begin and as she is deserving owner of much of my heart I didn't want to disturb her. To the friend or two who read here and know this kitty, I will say- Sylvia.
This is the kitty who was rescued from behind a restaurant at 1 1/2, the kitty who barely let me touch her and swatted my face if I got too close when I first adopted her six years ago.
This is also the kitty who spent five days lying on the foot of my bed staring at the floor the first time I took a vacation and left her at home (with Harold who loves her and gave her excellent care).
The kitty who will lie awake beside me watching me and protecting me from what disturbances she can prevent- for days if need be - whenever I am sick. The kitty who comes and rubs my face then settles quietly beside me when I am sad.
The kitty who absolutely gets bed preference tonight if she is snuggling comfortably amongst the quilt rumples.

Happy Birthday to me

My birthday was the 18th- I am officially 32! I was treated to a lovely dinner out with my mom and stepfather, and we shared a wonderful BBQ -indoors!- on Saturday attended by most of my friends. Standing at the sink sharing dish duty with my cousin, Jen, I realized being surrounded and celebrated by 15 people whom have shared my life no less than 10 years each, is a very happy benefit of being back in NJ. Wow- three 'shares' in one paragraph- somebody get the thesaurus! Quick!!
I have watched my closest male friends become husbands- grow the little bellies of contentment and nights at home, enbroil electricity and plumbing in their conversations and weekend duties. I am now watching them become fathers- carry diaper bags, cuddle tiny daughters, nurture pregnant wives.

Photo

I am the brunette 'down in front' holding the flowers- this was taken prior to my cousin's wedding in October 2004.

take one down and pass it around

Welcome to the world of Kleenex Dating! Take one out of the box, use it, toss it down. Maybe one will be a handkerchief to stick in your pocket and keep.
I am not complaining-how unique for me. Those who would know would agree on the novelty.
For those who don't know, I haven't truly dated in over seven years. My last two boyfriends I met, we went on a date, and spent the next 3 1/2 years together. Which does indeed take us back to early 1999.
And up to online dating. It is pretty cool for the likes of me who does quite poorly meeting people without assistance. I am completely not gregarious.
So to post myself like a yard sale commodity is ingenious.
I have been on three dates in two states in two days. But it's physical speed dating. I want to play the tease game wherein our proximal hands play squirrels-around-the-tree the movie theater arm rest for 90 minutes until that first all-telling blissfully tingly hand clasp. I want to spend the first date or two snuggling really close because we want to kiss so badly but are both
too shy.
On the good side, the head games have fallen away. You don't talk unless you like each other's photo. You don't meet unless you have a good IM session. And if you have a weak meeting, you move on.
I am totally enjoying all my conversations and have met three super-nice, handsome, funny men whom I wouldn't have otherwise met.
And meeting them has been fun. It's also kicked me out that terrifying door into DatingLand again.
One-man-at-a-time girl feels a little socially guilty for dating three people in one weekend. But that's the rules of the board game.
So on I go hopefully with the rest of us hopeful romantics and lonely people and friend seekers.
Wish me luck, and fun.
And yes, wonderful concerned friends of mine, I am being careful- my gut is turned on full alert!

In lieu of a time machine

Either I'm going through puberty again or my acne missed the hormone greyhound and is REALLY damn late.
If it's puberty again, I want some boobs.
If it's early menopause, I want a six-pack.
I thought the years of spot-bleaching my pillowcases with Clearasil were over!
I say I want a date. I've said I want sex.
What I do actually want is some male friend company. I want someone just to go for walks at night with me and talk and laugh;
someone to get up in the morning and call to say, "Hey! Let's drive to Maryland today!"
Someone to call over for movies on the floor on a rainy Sunday.
Over the years my guy buddies have gotten married and made families, or in my absence just gotten other lives and I really miss them. I like their wives and their children; I like the advancements in our friendship and the time we do have together.
But I really miss the 'hangin out'.

How it should be...

Grocery Cashier- Hey, Depressed Girl, where do you think you 're going with that two-pound tray of iced brownies?
Depressed Girl- Home???
GC- I don't think so; Brownie Intervention on Aisle 4!
BI- Here you are Miss, One square today- tomorrow come back and I'll give you another square.
DG- What are you doing to my ankle?
BI- That's a Brownie Alert Bracelet, Miss. All grocery stores and bakeries are connected by computer. You're profile is on alert to keep you from purchasing baked goods elsewhere until your depression is over.


This is how it should be. Otherwise Depressed Girl might sit down on a hot July day and eat herself literally ill on two pounds of icing laden chocolate brownies.

that's what you think

I did not slop hot, soapy water out of the kitchen sink- I was mopping the floor. And my slippers.

my first train ride alone

Me on 9:30 AM train into Penn Station yesterday morning- perky in curve hugging pink Calvin Klein T-shirt, slimming khaki capri pants, shampoo scented hair in a clip, smile on my face.
Me on 7:07 PM train out of Penn Station last night- hair out of clip hanging bedraggled on my shoulders, sweaty T-shirt and socks balled together stinking up inside of backpack and soaking through papers, round trip ticket soggy in pants pocket, blue gum stuck on left butt, pen mark on right knee, suntan lotion smears on left shin, general dirt markings on right.
Who gets so messy being bored? I had a most excellent day!
And slept extremely well on that thin futon mattress that felt incredibly good last night!