Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Wonder Lost

I have never tried typing with one edge of my butt barely on the chair but my kitten is kindly sharing her nap spot so I will try!
Oh, it's been a long five days of wondering if I go through with this wedding.
See, one of the most fabulous words I've ever heard is 'wanderlust'. I get shivers of thrill when upon sighting a U-Haul. My dream auto is a mobile home. I dread packing but love to move somewhere new. Stagnation is my biggest discomfort and fear. I want to live in different states, work different jobs. Is that ADD or being unfocused, noncommital?
Or is it wanting to sense what I can because, as far as I know, I'm goin' around in this life just once.
But I love my fiance. And what's more impressive, he loves me. Unconditionally. (I ask what god he pissed off in a former life to get this gig.) He is willig to move, some. I will still travel and travel alone is good for the spirit.
The wedding is in 15 weeks. Last week the bridesmaids finished dress needs and the order went out and I dropped off my wedding gown for alterations. Then I had an anxiety attack. Just a little one. I think this was me going over the premarital cliff.
I've had major support lines - thank you Mom, Jason, Kelly, and Jen-and am slowly calming down.
15 weeks - Holy cows!!!

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