Thursday, March 27, 2008

Twice as much

My boyfriend and I have been spending the night together since our second date. First of all we love to snuggle and cuddle, and secondly we lived an hour away from each other for the first year. It was also easier.

I like going to bed by his good night kiss and waking up to the sound of his breathing. Curling up with him first thing is the best way ever to start a day. On the weekends, we'll wake up to one another, spend all day together, and go to bed next to each other again.

Then sometimes, like tonight, we choose to have a traditional date. Most of the time he will pick me up. Occasionally we will meet. He buys me dinner. We may partake in a movie or a walk (or a side trip to Best Buy ;) and then we say good night.

It's nice to get dressed up extra special and take time with our appearances and outfits to surprise each other.

And, as Boyfriend once said, "It's nice to go home feeling good like that."

In my own words I understood what he was conveying, and I was glad to know he also still walks away from our dates feeling a little euphoric, anticipating our next time together just a little bit more.

It was great fun falling in love at 15, but it's even better at 33; and better than that falling in love just a little bit more with the handsome man who is already mine.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Life just keeps gettin'

Life just keeps gettin' weirder. Er, cooler? Ah, more surprising?

In our Wednesday night class we have lots of extra time 'cause in our first session our super instructor kinda' sorta' packed two quarters worth of Ethics into one.
So now on Wednesdays we talk about Business with the big B just like we are scheduled to, and cover any relevant stuff on Professionalism and Ethics-
and then we shut the door and talk about cool stuff like Reiki, and the chemistry of the human body and the not yet fully comprehended human energy and mind.

We talk about spiritual stuff and a single atom appearing in two places at one time in the particle accelerator, and how just maybe we all have a hand (or a head) in creating our own 'coincidences' after all.

We all have our own stories. I still like to tell about the day I knew in my kitchen 600 miles away that my cousin got engaged, and how looking back I realized that every time she contacted me from the time she and her husband- who were trying to not start a family yet- must have conceived until the day she learned she was pregnant, I had this feeling in my gut every single time that she was with child.

How often do you suddenly think of a song you haven't heard in seventeen gazillion years- some off the wall song nobody has heard since 1986- and the next day you turn on the radio and walk dead into that very song on the first note?

Last week I asked in the morning for my old friend Scott. It wasn't exact, but I went to an interview that day and lo and behold happened on a Scott. Last week I wondered hard about an old friend, and two days later he shocked me with a call.
Last night I asked my boyfriend, 'Hey, have you ever heard from J*** again since... ?'
"No." And neither of us expected a different outcome- until he called three minutes later.

Maybe we are more connected than we think we are, or just as connected after all.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Can you forget?

I went to my old place yesterday, to the place I needed most to be- needed from a place deeper and less conscious than my head, needed in a way that my heart led my body there.
I climbed out in the wind with a head full of thoughts growing ever clearer to the Manasquan fishing pier, a place that makes it easy to imagine myself freely aloft on the sea. I climbed out to the end and stood face to the wind while sea gulls flew past my head and spray dusted my face.
I climbed out with many thought and came back with - two:

Is it possible to be remembering who I am, like visiting with the spirit of someone I once knew, the ghost of a world gone by?

Is it possible to have lied to myself about or run for so long from it that I forgot who I am?

Sunday, March 02, 2008

I should have known

I should have known it would happen.

I should not have doubted for a moment that I would come around to wanting to live with you. We had come so far avoiding these urges. I thought maybe this time I could best it.

But here it is. We are passing through the intersection now and the week between the weekends, the days I have to myself in my own place, are becoming less and less a bout of Karen time, and with each passing week more and more but the bridge, the dues paid, between the days I get to spend at your side.

You aren't the only one who needs and appreciates a bite of time alone after 48 hours glued together- 48 hours we are both always sorry to end; 48 hours we both enjoy: but once I have had some time alone, after a few hours left to my own devices, I am ready to go back home to you and curl up in your snuggle or join you in the next venture whatever that may be.

You know how you told me months ago that you simply enjoy my company? I still enjoy yours too.