'...being real or just putting up a facade...'
A thought to shake me out of my fairy tale, a thought I've been shunning.
I like a good story, so I certainly like living one. And it is so nice to have someone (at least claim to) want and need my affections.
I was incredibly spoiled by Harold and it's often difficult to remember why I left- Fiance and I didn't sit up and talk, we didn't look into each other's eyes or ever mention being crazy about each other; we didn't kiss in public, or kiss much at all the last two years. Reminiscing was called 'silly'; no slow dancing; no meaningful songs, no letters or notes to me- twice a response to mine when begged for. No I miss you's. I love you's were down to the ends of phone calls, and before he left for work if I said it first. I'm sure there was something he liked about ME but he was never able to think of one, nor could he ever say why he thought we should be married.
He poured wine in my fish bowl, said not-nice things about my mom, made up stories to string me along about why we weren't getting engaged, cracked jokes when I was upset and needed someone to listen, made me cry three times in our first month of dating.
And I almost married him ... gullible, foolish, stubborn- I am not wise at directing my heart.
If I were any good at relationships I would not have lost Harold. Maybe I should finally put on the shawl, pick up the yarn ball, and start knitting sweaters for my cats.