Sunday, December 10, 2006

Dear Fellow Drivers,

Item 1: Random Braking
Please do not step on your brake pedal at intervals of 5 to 15 seconds when there is no change to the traffic in front of you or in your direction plans because when you suddenly brake for a good reason I think you are just faking again; plus this repetitive braking makes me want to poke your eyes out and step on your head and in general ruins my mood. If you are unable to work the gas pedal without losing control of it, stay home or pull over and get the hell out of my way.

Item 2: The light panels on your car
Newsflash: When it is sunset, or overcast, or raining, and you are driving a gray/black/brown/dark blue automobile, it is really freaking hard to see you when you don't have your lights on- I will be happy to help jump you or call AAA if you forget to turn them off and your battery dies. I will be unhappy to pick you out of my grill, or vice versa, if we collide because you blend into the freaking dark.
P.S. The blinking panels on the sides of the headlight areas are not holiday lights reserved for Christmas time- they are turn signals, to be used BEFORE you turn; slamming on your brakes and then turning on your blinker is not first choice, but acceptable as a last alternative.

Item 3: Tractor Trailers
Changing lanes into the path of a 65 mph oncoming tractor trailer within 10 car lengths, and particularly within- ahem- ONE car length, is death wish; Knock it off.
If you must get in front of a truck leave at least one car length for every 10mph of speed you have accumulated- otherwise there is a darn good chance the truck driver will jackknife trying to brake in order to save your stupid heinie.

Item 4: Motorcycle riders
Are human beings who don't want to be smooshed under your tires. Stay off their asses and don't pull out in front of them. They are wearing leather, you are wearing a car.

Item 5: Police cars
If you are driving within the designated speed limit and you see a police car, there is no need to slam on your brakes. There is also no need to drop 10mph below the speed limit. The speed limit on the signs is not an April Fool's joke.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Oh and my personal favorite.. Those "Left Lane Ends One Mile Ahead" is not a myth. It will end. Merge NOW while traffic is moving at a reasonably comfortable pace. I hate it when you speed past in the lane that will end, while all us others have gotten over early. It's you that causes the rest of us to have to wait longer. Ugh I hate that!!!