notes from August 1st

How can I feel so young and so old in the same morning?
Young- my life agead of am me barely half there decades ahead and room to be something new twice in each one.
(In my twenties I was seven different girlfriends. I went to college and dropped out. I became a nurse. I moved out of Moms'. I moved to Pennsylvania and Maine. I lived with Jason. I moved in with Nate. I bought a horse and started Tae Kwon Do and learned to kayak. I got my first passport. I had my first plane ride. I got raped. I lost 10 pounds. I gave blood. I taught myself how to bake bread and sew blankets. I adopted my cats. I owned my first rat, raised over fifty fancy mice, and buried a fish. I learned to like fish to eat. I started to run.)

Old- watching Jill come home from out all night no wrinkles in her face slimmer hips like I had once- but I had my chance. I was 26 once too and staying out all night just because the fun was too good to sleep, and coming home at dawn to nap.
I had my time to be 26, and it was good.

And here right now is all I need- muscular calves coming out the ends of rolled up pants legs pores tingling with melanin release, book half lifting off my thighs in the morning wind, eyes closed to the sun falling over me, flames from far away.

Will I sit some day curled up in your a sweatshirt of yours?
I remember sharing my blue fleece mittens on the inlet, one for me and one for you. I think your arm was in a sling.